Waiting for you...

I don't know what to say to you anymore.
I don't know how to feel.
What am i supposed to do when you're not here?
I'm walking towards you,
But you're walking away.
I see your figure in the distance,
Your face unseen.
I'm tired of looking at your back.
Unable to see you,
To speak to you,
To touch you,
Breaks my heart.
The ground seems unsteady,
And i fall over.
You're meant to be here to pick me up.
You're meant to save me.
I stay there, laying on the floor.
Lifeless.
Waiting for your hand to reach out to me.
Waiting for your return.
Waiting to be in your embrace again.
I wait,
And wait,
And wait.
There's no sign of you so far.
I won't move from here.
And i'll continue to wait.
So don't leave me here,
Don't make me wait a second longer.
Turn around,
Come back,
Repent,
Save me...

And you're gone again...

You're no longer here to dry my tears,
Leaving my face tear-streaked.
I don't want to lose you,
But you're already gone.
I held onto you for as long as i could,
But you slipped away.
You make me miserable,
But i'll endure it.
Nothing could be more painful than being away from you.
I wish i could make you happier,
Instead i cause you trouble.
If i was a better person,
You would've stayed.
As i type this,
Tears flood my eyes.
It feels like my heart no longer has a pulse.
Everything feels numb.
The darkness closes in,
And i'm left dead and lifeless...

Our Generation.

Each generation gets worse as time passes.
These days, such small problems cause the biggest drama's.
People no longer cherish the blessings of life,
And take for granted the beauty which is bestowed upon them.
Everyone suffers in their own way,
But why must we complain always?
Complaining all the time won't help the situation.
Is it just attention that we seek?
To be sympathised with?
I wonder...

There are many other elements which are rather pathetic about people these days.
The things we get upto,
Everything we do, and the reasons which force us.
Stupidity.
That's all there is to it.
Doing things to be accepted,
Or to not be labelled as an outcast.
Why must we constantly hide?
Is it so hard to be true?
I wonder...

Thinking forward to future generations breaks my heart.
I suppose thinking about it won't help.
Hopefully they aren't as foolish as this generation.
But then again, who knows?
I wonder...

Our final battle ends here...

I know i'm going to suffer from this.
The pain is already growing inside of me.
It feels like i'm struggling to gasp for air, drowning in all this hate.
Your words cut me deep.
Leaving behind wounds and streaks of blood and tears.
I'm here and all alone to fend for myself.
In this world,
You no longer exist.
Well, not anymore.

The thoughts of you occupy my mind.
How did we come to this?
This fight,
This battle,
This war,
Didn't determine who was right.
But took away everything,
And now there's nothing left.
All those times we fought,
Fought because of my selfishness and anger,
Hurt me so much inside.
My heart no longer beats,
Because you're no longer here to hear it.
Those times i drove you away,
But you always returned.
Now that our journey has ended,
Now that we've reached the finish line.
Our story ends.

Moving with the seasons

The summer air is clearing,
In comes an autumn breeze.
A new season blesses us with its presence,
Yet the old season still lingers.

Just like the seasons,
People also change.

I remember going outside and being surrounded by the blue sky and the ones i love.
But now, i'm surrounded by grey clouds and strangers.
Its hard to comprehend how things can alternate so quickly.

Let's hope my future is better than this terrible present,
And the new season after this will be more pleasant.

No longer here.

You left for a second,
Now you're gone forever.

I don't know what to do anymore.
When i think that life's starting to look up,
Everything comes crashing down on me.
To be positive about how things are right now,
Is mission impossible for me.
Where did my superman go?
The person that saved me when i was deeply troubled.
I used to be so vulnerable and depressed.
I isolated myself from the world.
I hid away from everything.
Me sitting alone in the far, dark corners of the world.
Too afraid to come out,
Too afraid to trust,
Too afraid to depend on someone.
Then you came along and stood before me,
Putting out your hand.
Reaching out to me,
Offering to save me.
I declined it at first,
I didn't want to have false hope of someone being there for me.
I didn't want to be disappointed.
I thought you'd leave after i turned away from you.
But you're still here.
You're still standing before me.
You're hand is still reaching for mine.
You're still wanting to save me from this troubled place.
Over time, i finally reached for your hand.
And you picked me up, and helped me stand on my own two feet.
I was no longer isolated to the far corners of the world,
Because i was welcomed into your light,
Your arms,
Your heart.
I thought then and there,
That if i could depend on someone,
It would be you.
I was relieved that i no longer had to be alone.
It was a dream come true.
However, like all dreams,
They are short lived.
I fell down once again,
Unable to stand up.
I reached out for you,
But your hand was no longer reaching for mine.
You no longer stood before me.
Its like you disappeared without a word.
And at that moment,
I was alone again.

To not wake up would be bliss.

Bright, white lights seep through the cracks of my blinds.
The rays of light strike my eyes like lightning,
Causing me to awake from my slumber.
Its early in the afternoon that i arise.
Feeling slightly light-headed and dizzy as i struggle to stand up and make my way to the bathroom.
Splashes of water washes away the salt which has set on my face from last nights downpour of tears.
I look at my reflection with a sigh.
My eyes are surrounded by dark spots from lack of sleep.
Thinking back to last night.
Me laying inbed starring at my phone,
Waiting for a reply.
None was received.
I shake my head in attempt to erase the thought.
I look up and my reflection again.
My face, now tear-streaked.
From a slight sob, now became a violent cry.
I fall to my knees, my face in my hands.
I try to control myself, but end in failure.
How am i supposed to feel when you're not here?
I slowly stand up and brush myself off.
Heading back to my room, i collapse on the bed attempting to fall asleep again.
Reality is not worth being awake for.
I close my eyes as reality slips away from me.
I'm now caught in a dream, hoping never to wake up.
To live this dream for eternity,
This dream that you exist in.
This dream of a world that contains my smile and laughter.
My fake utopia.

What's there to do?

How much longer will this drag on?
This constant feeling of loneliness and neglection,
Has gone on for long enough.
I didn't realise how much i depended on you.
I was foolish enough to think i would last.
I don't want to admit my wrongs,
But i'm still angry for your wrongs.
I'm sorry.
I know i'm stupid.
I know i'm selfish.
What can i do?
Tell me because i don't know.
I'm angry at you.
But i don't want to stay away either.
Such helplessness,
Kills me inside.
............

Unreachable...

Today i asked a priest what his interpretation on true happiness was.
He said fulfilling what he wants and needs to do,
Gives him satisfaction that makes him happy and pleased.
He also said that, by following God,
And doing as God wishes for him to do,
Is also happiness for him.
What is happiness to me?
I suppose its being in a place where troubles can't reach you,
And being surrounded by people who make you smile,
And those who make you feel loved.
There is no one to pass hate or pain to you,
And you're never sad.
If that is what true happiness is,
Then i guess i'll never be happy.
I'm all alone against the world.
The one person i thought would never leave me,
Is gone.
He contradicted his promises,
He contradicted everything.
Now that he's gone,
All i'm left with are memories of better days,
And a bunch of broken promises and lies.
I suppose i lack love,
A smile,
And a friend.
Therefore,
For me,
Happiness is unreachable.

Don't leave.

Some say when you lose a friend,
You gain another.
But sometimes,
When you gain back a friend,
You lose someone who means most.
One problem is solved,
And another has appeared.
What do i do from here?
No idea.
Hate and anger is building up in me.
Who am i angry at?
I don't know.
Why am i angry?
I don't know.
But what i do know is that,
I don't want you to disappear.
I want you to stay with me forever.
I want you to remain in my present and future.
I don't want you to become a vague memory.
My selfishness won't let me let go.
How can i let go of the last person in my life?
The distance between us grows,
As each day ends.
One day we'll be in different worlds,
And i'll be all alone.
Will it make you happy if i disappear from your sight?
Will you smile knowing that i'm gone?
Please don't lie to me and say no,
Because your actions prove otherwise.
Maybe, you will regret leaving me behind.
And maybe i'll regret not fighting for my place in your heart.
The path we choose to follow will affect us.
You make your choice,
And i'll make mine.
Only time can tell what happens,
For it is the future we must consider,
And not out foolish present.

Lost.

I feel like I'm trapped in a maze with no exit.
Each direction i take,
It seems that there's a giant wall in my way.
Everything looks the same,
No matter what turn i take,
How far i run,
How much i search.
I'm lost.
How can i find my way out of this place,
This forsaken place with no exit.
My life is a lot like this maze.
Each day is the same.
There's nothing to look forward to,
To strive for,
To hope for.
Do you understand me?
I don't think you do.
Surrounded by nothingness.
This dull life i lead,
Has nothing.
I'm surrounded by walls which stop me from leaving,
Stop me from seeing the outside,
Stop me from escaping this place.
I'm trapped.
This life.
This place.
This me.
Is pathetic.
I try to climb over these walls which detain me,
But they grow taller,
Bigger,
Harder to escape from.
Isn't that just like life?
The more you strive for what you want,
The more problems and obstacles appear?
Can you compare to what i feel?
I don't think you can.
I'm tired of fighting the same battles.
I'm tired with dealing with the same problems.
I'm tired of this life.
I'm tired of caring.
Apathy,
Have you failed me?
I don't like feeling this way.
I don't want to cope with this anymore.
I want to be free.
One day,
I'll break down these walls,
I'll find a way out of this maze,
I'll find my own freedom.

Bad Day.

Today was a very rough day,
In my opinion anyways.
I've been having an argument with one of my closest friends lately,
And yesterday i confronted her about it.
I asked if she had anything to say to me,
And to tell me whatever was bothering her,
But she decided to act like nothing was wrong.
She looked at me as if i was crazy,
She looked at me and said she wasn't lying,
And that nothing was going on.
What a liar.
How do i know she was lying?
Well, today my friend told me that she was bitching about me.
My friend said that she was angry because of a particular thing i did and said.
Its funny, because i swear she said she didn't care and that nothing was wrong.
Quite interesting.
Well I've decided to just ignore the situation.
I've tried to talk to her and sort it out,
But if she just wants to be two-faced about it,
Then fine.
Another thing which made my day shit was i got into an argument with my parents.
It was an ordinary argument i suppose.
However,
Unfortunately for me,
Everyone in my family is violent.
So yea, i ended up getting smashed by first my dad, then mum.
Crazy people they are.
I don't think they deserve being called "dad" and "mum".
Maybe i'll call them "man" and woman".
Or "asshole" and "bitch".
That would be more relevant to them.
People look at me in disbelief when i say i hate them.
But honestly,
I do.
They've never made me happy,
And i've never wished for them to be happy either.
They cause the problems i have in my life.
Of course, i make them worse.
But you know, i am a stubborn teenager after all.
Well, i'm off to clean my room and do a shitload of chores now.
Don't want to be smashed the second time right.

Nothingness...

Lately, I've been feeling quite down and neglected.
It seems like time is barely moving,
And each second that passes is accounted for.
The people around me are changing.
Fast.
I guess i can't adapt to it all.
I don't want things to be different.
I was happy with the ways things were.
Each day i see more alterations,
More changes,
More differences.
One day i won't be able to recognise them anymore.
One day we will fall apart.
One day....
I will lose everything.

My heart feels hollow.
What once pumped blood into my body,
Now dispels poison into my veins.
Everything feels numb.
My heart,
My head,
My emotions.
Everything.
The poison is eating me whole.
Taking away my spirit,
My soul,
My life.
It seems that this "one day" has come.
And now,
I'm left with nothing.

missing you...

On days likes these i just want fall into a deep sleep,
A sleep i don't wake up from.
Living in a never ending dream.
Such pure bliss.
For this dream will have you,
Unlike this reality which has nothing.
I miss you more than ever.
Though you've only been gone for so long,
It feels like an eternity of being solitary.
I'm alone,
And i'm lonely.
How much longer will you have me feeling this way?

Friend? i've never heard of the word...

It seems that i've been forgotten.
By everyone in fact.
You love and care for me?
Such lies.
If you did then why did you let me go?
Why are you making life so hard for me?
I'm not even sure if you can even see me.
Am i invisible?
Am i non-existent?
To think someone who doesn't exist could feel this way.
You're no longer someone i can always run to,
No longer the person i adore,
No longer the person i loved so dearly.
Am i immature for writing this?
Am i stupid for caring?
Probably.
I'm a fool.
I know i am.
After all,
How could you love such a person like me right?
A person who's stupid enough to believe your lies.
A person stupid enough to believe that they were loved.
Don't bother me with your nonsense,
And fake words.
I now see the truth behind your lies.
I don't want you to say you love me,
Because the truth is,
You don't.