The Princess: Her story. Ch. 3

After an eternity spent waiting locked up in a castle,
The Princess is finally able to see the sunlight and feel its warmth.
Though her Prince Charming never reached her,
She managed to swallow her disappointment and pain.
Day after day.
Week after week.
Month after month.
Year after year.
The Princess sat patiently through her tears and moments of vulnerability,
But now she is able to stand and fight for herself.
After all that time she has finally come to understand that he would never come to her rescue, and perhaps he wasn't who she thought he was.
She fell inlove with the Prince, but he has fallen under a spell that has made him into something that contradicts everything she's ever believed in.
Knowing this, the Princess managed to find the strength within to save herself.
Her obsessive dependence of him would be no more.
By herself she broke the chains that bounded her to her own helplessness.
She kicked down the doors that locked her away.
She tore down the walls which detained her.
By herself...
She was able to escape such a place of sadness and terror.
There was no typical happy ending for her,
But this story is yet to be finished...

Wearing your emotions.

When someone hurts us,
We try to hide the hurt we feel from the one who caused us the pain.
Our pride stands in the way of showing how we truly feel,
Because we don't want to show how weak we become.
But when it comes to me,
I don't really seem to mind.
Everything i feel i post publicly,
If not, i just wear my emotions on my face.
Perhaps that creates an advantage to those who are wanting to hurt me,
Because then they'd know what would cause me to break.
But even with knowing that,
I don't really care.
A lot of people have seen how pitiful i can be sometimes,
And i'm okay with it.
My vulnerability is something i accept.
Of course, it's always easier to lie and act,
Rather than facing all the judgmental eyes out there.
But if you're able to stand it, then why care?
I complain a lot about my life,
So i guess that explains why i write so many blogs.
Its not that i'm after attention or sympathy,
It's just something i'm used to.
I'm an open person,
And i don't mind sharing how i feel and what i'm thinking.
Sometimes it's not really that i'm complaining,
I'm just searching for an answer.
Perhaps i'd come across someone who had more to offer than just "it's okay".
Because sometimes...
It's not okay.
We all put up walls around us,
Some form of defense.
It's to prevent unnecessary damage.
But no matter how many walls i build,
No matter how much armor i'm protected by,
I can still feel all the pain,
Like daggers through my chest.
Why is that so?
Some people can brush it off all too easily,
But with me,
I can feel it...
You see,
Armour and protection can only do so much.
Its the person behind it that counts.
What good is being protected if you can't even defend yourself?
Your defense system is there to absorb some of the impact,
You are the one who possesses true strength.
So perhaps i possess none,
Perhaps i do deep down.
But even so, with every fatal attack,
I die a little more.
I give away so many chances for people to hurt me,
And they take it.
Just as how i take their hits.
Most aim for my insecurity,
Some aim for my heart...
We all feel pain,
Its a result of our emotions.
But we all react differently to it.
Some are stoic,
Others more depressed.
It doesn't matter how you show it.
Deep down we all know what its like to hurt.
I suppose i should try to grow more as a person,
To increase my strength.
But i know there's strength within me,
I once used to be the type to be unbreakable.
I've been through countless things,
And that has helped me to grow...
But i don't know.
There comes a time when you're unable to be around certain people,
So talking about them makes you feel a little more comfortable.
Its like a remedy to numb the feeling you get when you're missing someone.
Sometimes, its the closest thing you'll ever get to being with them...
As fictional as it might be,
It makes you feel better.
So sure, you can feed your pride by acting like you're okay,
Or you can just let your emotions pour out and feel a little closer to the one who's so far away...

Fade To Black.

I'm roaming these dark, deserted streets alone,
In search to find him.
Every corner i turn is empty and blank.
I'm running, my breathing heavy and rapid.
Growing wary and tired i come to a stumbling halt.
I can't seem to find my way,
He's out there but i'm unable to find him.
One minute i had him,
I had it all.
But the lights went out and he disappeared into the darkness.
My anticipation increases,
And i'm growing desperate.
Without him it feels so lonely and cold.
In these unfamiliar streets i feel out of place.
His arms are the only place i need to be.
I'm sick and tired of being alone,
So lost and confused with my own disappointment.
My eyes are searching for him,
But i can't see at all.
Past these run-down buildings,
And unoccupied streets,
Is him.
Somewhere beyond all the unknown,
He remains.
I'm turning around,
Walking in circles,
I feel like i'm on a merry-go-round.
Determination burns within me and,
Naively i pick up my feet,
And go off running without direction,
Without any guidance.
After passing this place for the hundredth time,
I finally realise...
I've been here in the past.
My mind is playing tricks on me,
Causing me to believe this place is somewhere unknown.
But i'm so aware of my surroundings.
This is the place where me and him came to be.
These buildings once were home to our love,
The happiness,
The memories.
But now they remain unattended and abandoned.
I've lost you again,
More than once.
But each time feels so new.
The street lights flicker,
The cold air blowing hair to my face.
I quickly tuck the loose strands behind my ear,
As i look up...
I'm standing here infront of all our memories,
The place where so much happiness and love was born.
Such beauty,
Now left as a broken wreck.
I hesitantly walk towards the door,
A slight turn of the handle,
And a gush of such bittersweet thoughts and imagines invade my fragile mind.
Falling to my knees,
I watch as everything we worked towards get buried under the dust of forgetfulness.
He's left so much regret and heartbreak in one place,
Blended with all the euphoria of the past.
A sudden movement,
I feel the earth under me falter,
Then i look up as i see the ceiling come crashing down.
My instinct tells me immediately to make a run for it,
Heading towards the door i find a road block...
He stands there,
Before my eyes.
After my endless search,
He found his way to me.
But...
He seems so different,
I sense nothing when i'm near him.
I'm positive it's him,
But why do i not feel such a sensation anymore?
I manage to brush off the doubts swarming in my head,
And continue to move before everything comes crashing down.
He stands in the way,
Blocking the route to freedom.
Why won't he move?
It's like he wants me to forever be trapped in this place,
To never be able to move out,
To move on...
In a split second,
I felt my whole world fall on top of me,
Crushing me.
I'm forever detained under the memories,
Bounded by our broken past.
I'll never be able to forget him,
Because he left me buried under it all.
My arms are still reaching for him,
I see a figure ahead of me.
I'm trying to get to him,
I'm pleading for help.
But his figure turned into a dark blur,
And i watch as his back faces me,
And slowly walks away...
Left behind,
I can barely support this stress on my shoulders,
I can barely breathe.
The ache in my heart hurts more than the weight placed on me.
My eyes flutter,
My vision becomes vague,
And my world faded to black...

A Great Love.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

I never chose to feel this way, so why can't i help it?
If feeling this way was an option, then i wouldn't have chosen it.
But why?
Why does my heart feel like its about to disintegrate after every beat?
I tucked away all the pain into a small corner of my world,
But your wind has blown it all my way.
I don't think i can clean up this same mess again.
My universe used to be so full.
There was love and happiness all around.
But now that you're gone, this place looks empty and barren,
As if you took it all away when you left.
I'm cleansing myself with my tears,
But your trace still remains,
Just as your touch to my skin,
Your scent to my nose,
Your beauty to my eyes,
Your kiss to my lips,
And your love to my heart.
The silence says it all,
And these words i'm writing are just absent thoughts.
The feelings fuel the burning within my soul,
From the sparks we made which started the fire.
I suppose our love ran out, and the fire extinguished itself.
I've had the privilege of experiencing a broken heart,
I wonder what i ever did to deserve something so prestigious.
This smile i'm forcing, is just a pigment of my act.
I'm pretending i'm over it to avoid the responsibility that comes with reality.
Over time, things will get better,
It'll get easier to forget the pain,
But i'll never be the same.
And who knows how long it will take for me to learn how to live without you.
The love will forever be there,
But how hard will it be to ignore it?
Pain is inevitable.
But sometimes suffering is not an option.



A great love? It's when you shed tears for him but still you care for him. It's when he ignored you but you still long for him. It's when he starts loving another, and yet you manage a smile and find the courage to say "I'm happy for you."

What has this great love ever done for me?

Emotions.

I just read my friends blog, and she spoke of why us humans feel emotions.
She questioned why we had to endure such feelings whilst animals roamed freely.
So this made me think.
Would we be better off if we felt nothing?
To be honest, i think life is better with these emotions.
Our emotions are what lead us to choose our paths in life.
To be able to make a choice, we need to feel something inside that will help us make up our minds.
If we know it'll hurt if we choose one thing or the other, then we'd be able to make a better decision.
Sure, its tough having to deal with emotions such as sadness, disappointment, betrayal, envy...
But on the other hand we can feel happiness, euphoria, love, enlightenment.
So isn't it worth it?
It works the same way as how i mentioned in my blog prior to this.
When we're able to feel happiness, we must feel sadness.
Give and take.
That is how this world works.
Taking something without dealing with any consequences would make our world unruly.
Its not natural to always be in the right.
To be in the right, sometimes we need to be in the wrong.
Some things in life are worth enduring just to gain something new.
With love comes pain.
With happiness comes sadness.
With serenity comes agitation.
These emotions we feel are the epitome of what makes us who we are.
So perhaps it's not best if we feel nothing, because then our world would be savage.
People could kill eachother just because we don't feel fear or compassion.
Our world would be empty because no one felt curiosity and innovation.
Emotions do damage to our mental state, but as a give and take situation, we are strengthened by it.
We're fueled by emotion.
They keep us functioning.
Without it,
We'd all be nothing.

Escape.

Everything in life comes at a cost.
To be happy, one must endure sadness.
To make friends, one must meet enemies.
To love, one must hate.
To gain something, one must leave something behind.
Sometimes things aren't worth losing something in the process.
Then again, some things are worth sacrificing your whole world for.

It all comes down to decisions.
The choices you make are what sets your future,
Determining what is what.
You can't complain about the negative in your life,
Because it is what you chose that triggered it.
Intentions mean nothing, when your actions are all that people see.

Sometimes its too late for regret.
When you lose or gain something that was never worth it,
Then grieve about it all you want.
Everyone makes mistakes in life,
Its a common fact.
Some mistakes are best left mistaken,
Others could ruin you forever.
But that's what you chose.

Misery is a choice.

You can't turn back time,
But you can look back and relive it in your mind.
You can't take back the past,
But you can keep thinking about the options you missed out on.
You can't chase after history,
But you can convince yourself that you'll find it in your future.

Reality is set.
But you can think whatever you please,
Dream whatever you want,
But its just another form of;
Escapism.

Randomosity.

Tuesday, 1 December 2009
10:13AM

I'm currently at home;Study leave.
My exam starts in 3 hours.
I really should be studying but i have no motivation to right now...

Anyways...
I don't really write much in my blogs anymore, well things about how i am and what i'm feeling anyways.
Sometimes there is a lot that i would like to post, but certain things refrain me from it.
I suppose i'm afraid of notifying certain people about what is on my mind.
After all, some words are better off left unspoken, right?
Its better if i keep things to myself, in order to sustain the happiness of others around you.
Just a word could ruin everything.
I do not want to soil such happiness.
Though i am not happy myself, its comforting seeing that certain person so giddy about life.
I feel kind of silly...
I'm so confused on what i feel to be honest.
One minute i'm fine,
The next i'm crying.
One minute i'm angry,
The next i couldn't care less...
These mood swings are driving me crazy,
I don't know what to do or think anymore...


So many things circle my mind,
It swims around in my train of thought.
I wish i could escape somewhere where these thoughts and questions can't reach me.
I just want answers...
But i know i will never obtain such things to calm my stressed mind.
My heart aches secretly,
Deep down i can feel my heart tugging.
Why won't it just go away?
I'm trying to keep myself together,
But i just keep falling apart.
How much longer will this drag on?
Letting go is one thing,
But what happens when you find yourself holding on again?
Geez...
What's wrong with me?
I'm mentally slapping myself,
Get out of this.
Sigh...

I've tried so many things to heal myself,
To sooth this burning sensation in my heart,
But no cures have come through...
Left to suffer without a soul out there to care.
Such a pitiful person i am.
I can't help but laugh.
I shake my head at how pathetic everything is.
A humorous display of a broken person...

There's no one here,
I'm talking to myself...
Do you think you ever cross his mind?
Probably not, his thoughts are elsewhere i suppose.
Are you okay with that?
Ehh, more or less.
How did things turn out this way?
I don't really know. Life's full of surprises.
Don't you miss him?
Always, but what can you do?
I don't know, i'm the one asking questions here.
My bad...

=.="
Okay, i think its time to study now...

Until next time ;D