Starry Night.

Someone once told me,
That when there is only one star in the sky,
You make a wish.
So last night,
I closed my eyes and wished...
Then when i looked back up at the sky,
The star was gone.
I wonder what that means.
Maybe my wish will come true,
I guess it's all upto you...
_______________________________

I gaze up at the dark, night sky,
I see a crescent moon,
And one twinkly, bright star.
This star i see,
Is so dazzling,
Yet so alone.
By itself it shines past all the darkness,
Creating a small sense of hope,
For the mere mortals beneath it.
I close my eyes,
And think up a wish.
So many things which i desire,
But only one to choose.
I make my decision,
And unlock my eyes.
It seems my star has disappeared.
Where have you gone my star?
The sky seems so dark without you.
Have you gone to grant my wish,
Or have you abandoned me?
I hope you come back,
You're my star.
Without you,
My sky seems so dark and empty.
What night would i have then,
If you weren't there for me to gaze at?
I wish that you'd always be here...
Star of mine.
______________________________

Do wishes really come true?
You can't say no,
Seeing as some people have received what they wanted.
I guess it all depends on what you're wishing for.
Sometimes you need to grant your own wish,
And make it come true on your own.
Other times you're just lucky and it just happens.
I suppose we have wishes to express what we want.
If we wish hard enough,
Then maybe the wish will come true,
Because our desire is so great,
We'd do anything to achieve this "wish".
Unfortunately,
Its not always like this,
And in the end we're left unfulfilled.
"You can’t own everything you desire. Sometimes, all you can do is appreciate their existence."

Decisions.

So lately,
A lot of people have been telling me that i made a mistake about my "decision".
I chose one thing over another,
And apparently i'm just going to end up hurt again.
I've been thinking a lot and perhaps they're right,
But i know that whether it is right or not,
Its what i want.
Sometimes you can't choose what is best for you,
Rather what makes you feel more content with.
I probably will regret my decision somewhere along the way,
But i made up my mind,
And i'll stick with it til the very end.
Whether i receive happiness or pain from my decision,
I'll accept it.
I've been through so much shit with this "decision",
That i really don't care anymore.
I don't mind settling for less,
Not getting what i deserve,
Not being treated the way i would want.
In life,
You have to value what you have,
Because there are many people who would kill to be where you are.
I look upon life with sad, pessimistic views,
But that's only because i pass through life,
Driven by selfishness.
But now,
I'm willing to lose my pride and dignity,
Over this "decision".
And i won't care.
Everyone tells me that i should care,
And my dignity is everything.
They say that when i have nothing left,
My dignity will still be there,
And that's all that matters.
But i think,
What will dignity do for me,
If i have nothing to dignify?
If i chose my alternative option,
Would i truly be happy?
Could i really grow to fully accept it?
Maybe.
But this is my last chance,
To do what feels best,
What brings me more happiness then anything in this world.
Am i being naive?
Perhaps.
But i know that happiness is short-lived,
So why not enjoy it while it lasts.
Before the sadness kicks in,
I'll embrace the positives of my "decision",
And i'll feel that sensation i once felt before.
I understand all the consequences of my actions,
And i have full consent on the conditions.
Right now...
I want to do what i think would make me happier,
No matter how much pain i endure after or during,
I know it will be worth it.
And if it isn't,
Then i guess that is just another cold lesson i will learn on my journey through life.
For now,
I do not know how things will turn out.
So i'll keep waiting...
Waiting til my "decision" is fully enforced...

Mykool.

Lately, you've been so caught up with such a simple matter.
I tried so hard to convince you that i'd always be there...
You kept arguing,
And we both fought a meaningless battle...
Look what became of us.
You were so afraid of losing me,
That you pushed me away...
I didn't leave you,
You kicked me out of your life...
You say i mean the world to you,
Yet you could say all those things while we were arguing?
Please,
Do not bother me with your excuses,
Your apologies,
Your pleading...
Whats said is said,
And whats done is done.
I am still here for you Mykool...
Just not personally there.
I'll still look out for you,
You just won't sense my presence,
Because i won't be there...
But in your heart,
I'll always remain...

If we do recover from this,
Then let this be a very cold lesson...
Don't push me over the edge...
Because as i fell,
You also slipped,
And together..
We're nearing to our deaths...

Bye for now Anh Hai.
Your Em always loves you...

You're only human...

Sometimes i wonder why i can't be as simple-minded as others.
Perhaps i was never cut out to be a simpleton.
Or maybe,
I'm so simple that people don't know how to treat me.
I know i can be very confusing at times,
But that's only because some people cause my pessimistic side to show.
Sometimes,
When you're told something repeatedly,
It starts to sink in,
And you start believing what they say,
Whether it be a joke or not.
Its hard to think positively,
When all that escapes other peoples mouths,
Is negativity.
I mean,
Why expect someone to be optimistic,
When all you're doing,
Is telling them the negatives?
Humans;
Such strange and perplexed creatures.
We all doubt things when something good happens,
Yet we complain when it doesn't happen.
I suppose, some things are just too good to be true,
And we search endlessly for reasons to spoil this good "thing".
But when it doesn't happen,
We constantly ponder about how much we want it,
And get disappointed when we wait too long.
We'll never be truly satisfied.

I guess something good has happened to me lately,
But in a way,
Its rather the opposite.
I'm not sure which way i'm leaning towards at the moment.
Its good because it makes me happy,
And i've been waiting for it for so long,
It almost seems like forever that i've been waiting...
It could also be counted as bad because,
During that period of time,
I worked so hard to get where i am today,
But it will just drag me back to the start.
The moment when i'm about to move on,
I get pulled back again...
I'm doubting a lot,
And i'm not sure how to feel.
I suppose before i figure out how i feel,
I need to know how you truly feel...
About me,
And about "her".

But for your sake and for mine,
I will cease all the doubts,
And just live for the moment.
In time i really do need to know what you're thinking...
But for now,
I'll enjoy this good "thing",
Before it ends :)

xx

Mason.

Mason...
Why did you come back?
I let you go,
Why aren't you moving on?

You know how much you mean to me,
You know how much i care about you,
You know...
How much i love you...
But,
Will this just be another stupid repeat?
We've forgiven our mistakes before,
And each time we thought it was all good,
But then it all comes crashing down,
And me and you are left with nothing but pain...
So what difference will there be this time?

I don't want to hurt you anymore,
Because it hurts me twice as much knowing that i cause you confusion and sadness.
Mason,
You are so much better off without me...
Don't you know?
Aren't i the one who makes you miserable?
The one who compels you with hurt and anguish?
I'm not good for you Mason...
Can't you see that?
Or are you just as blind as me?

Nothing would make me happier than to be with you again,
Friends or whatnot...
But i'm just as scared as you are,
And i don't know what i would do if things don't go right this time.
How am i supposed to know how serious you are about this?
Is it fictional writing?
Are you playing with my emotions?
I don't know anymore...

I want to say "Hello",
But there are so many missing pieces...
So before we say "Hello",
Promise me there will be no "Good bye"...

You escaped my view...

Today, i watched the sunset at the top of the carpark.
My favourite thing to do,
At my favourite location.
But today, the sunset seemed more beautiful than usual.
I'm not sure if it was the actual sight that was beautiful,
Or if it was because of the person i was with.

As per usual,
My gaze was mostly set on the clouds.
The sun, i could barely see.
I suppose it was hiding away behind the clouds.
After a while,
The sun fought its way past the clouds,
And together,
They formed a scene too beauteous for a mere mortals eyes to embrace.
A grey sky, turned orange, yellow, pink, purple and blue.
And i had a sudden thought...
Perhaps you're the sun,
And i'm the cloud.
I'm blocking your way,
Making sure you barely exist.
And you're trying to shine through my efforts,
Trying to get through to me.
Maybe if i let you in,
We could also form something beautiful,
Something more magical than we ever could if we were separated.

I didn't see you today,
But apparently you were there.
The slight mention of your name,
And your presence,
Made my heart bleed...
And after a while,
My eyes joined in.
Together they bled bloody crystal tears.
How could i not see you?...
Have i become more blind?
Have you changed that much in physical appearance?
Or was it because, for once in my life,
You weren't in my thoughts...

I never realised how broken i can be,
Thinking about how much i miss you,
And how i just crumble when you're around.
How can i get rid of this feeling?
This feeling of longing to see you,
If i can't even look at you,
Without pouring my eyes out?

When i'm with him,
I don't think of you.
But when i'm reminded,
My mind comes crawling back to our memories,
And i become trapped in your web again...
Should i let myself forget?
Should i just act like this scar on my heart doesn't exist?
That there is no pain?
That you don't exist?
Or should i keep holding onto you even when we're past our goodbyes...
What do you want me to do?...
Help.

Misguided.

After all this time,
I still haven't moved on.
And my heart sure hasn't forgotten either.
Everyone is telling me to find another,
And i have but,
No one else comes anywhere close to you.
I've met many people,
People who would treat me like a princess.
But in the end,
I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect,
Superman,
Or Prince Charming.
You didn't treat me that well,
But i loved you so much.
So when a good guy comes along,
I question myself "Why?".
Why can't i fall for him?
Why is there no chemistry?
Why do i feel nothing?
Such a simple word,
Simple question,
Complicated answer that comes with it.
I think that remembering you,
Makes it impossible to like anyone else.
I try so hard,
To erase you from my memory.
I close my eyes,
And i see your face.
Then i open,
And i see no one.
Loneliness.
I know i said good bye for a reason,
But it kills so much being away from you.
I knew that us being together,
Was too complicated,
That we'd just drive eachother insane.
So i thought i'd let go,
So i wouldn't hold you back anymore,
So that you could find someone better,
So that we'd be at peace.
Though i'm just the same,
I thought that you'd always turn out better than me.
Because thats the way it has always been.
I'm so used to you having an apathetic attitude towards me,
And i'm sure you're very used to me always being pessimistic.
But i realise that you've changed,
And i sure have changed aswell.
If only you could see,
How much i've altered myself,
How much i care...
I really am stupid aren't i?
I said goodbye,
Now i'm trying to drag you back into my life...
I'm lost without any direction.
I don't know what i want from you,
And i don't know what i want from myself.
I just don't know where to go from here.
The map says turn left,
But i see no road.
I'm walking on a dirt road,
Trying to find a path,
A track,
Something that is heading somewhere...
I'm so misguided...
I wished you were here to show me the way...

Perfect imperfection.

What am i?
Compared to her.
What do i have to offer?
That she can't.
How happy can i make you?
When she makes you feel like the world.
How beautiful can i be?
If she's so much more.
She has everything i must live without.
Her perfection surpasses me a hundred times over.
I'm nothing when matched up to her.

I'm missing so many pieces,
Whilst she is completely whole.
She makes you smile,
Whilst i bring you sadness.
She patches up your heart,
While i'm breaking it.
She fills your dreams with elegant beauty,
While i bring you torturous nightmares.
She brings you warmth,
While i make the temperature drop.
She wipes away all your tears,
While i cause them to fall.
She takes away all your fears,
While i bring on the terror.
She shines her light on you,
While i cause the darkness to close in.
She made the path seem so clear,
When i crowded up your lost mind.
She's perfect in every way...
And i'm the definition of imperfection...

"She" is the person you want,
The person i'll never be...

Forever in slow motion.

Have you ever felt so emotionless,
That it feels like the world is in fast forward,
While you're in slow motion?

Everywhere i look, i see couples.
"I love you" they all say.
Such hollow words,
Said with a full smile.
It's so easy to lie these days, isn't it?
Every false truth that escapes those cruel lips of yours,
Can be so easily bought,
By those too lost in their own fantasy.
Too blind to see past your cold slander.
Our hearts cheat us into believing that this love is genuine,
That no one could compare to that person,
That it is everlasting,
That love is forever.
A painful smirk appears on my face,
And i laugh.
"Forever".
One of the most bitter lies someone could tell.
Nothing lasts forever,
Especially something as malleable as "love".
Then again,
Only a fool would believe such things.
Yes...
Only a fool could be convinced that love can never change,
That it can only grow,
That love never fades...
In that case,
I accuse myself of folly.

Pitiful me,
Looking back on meaningless memories.
I look up at the sky,
Fighting back the regretful tears seeping from my eyes.
I wonder when these wings of love,
Are ready to set off again.
I dived too quickly into the air,
That i fell once again.
I wonder if you know,
That i could see past all the deceit,
That it drove me insane knowing what you hid away,
That i was never misled by your tales...
But i never said a word,
And faked this smile of mine.
Just like you faked this love.

Ironic isn't it?
When you're so sure of what you know,
Yet you find excuses to go against it.
The truth burns away at your insides,
So you rather give your all in a beautiful lie.
When you're struck with dishonesty,
It pains more than words could comprehend,
And more so when you deny it.

Everywhere i look, i see,
People starring back at me.
The one moving in slow motion,
The one left behind.
The one hypnotised by your fiction,
The one who was foolish enough to believe,
Believe in "forever".

xx

Project modify.

I've decided to make a few personal alterations.
I'm tired of being the way i am,
I know i shouldn't change for the approval of others,
But i'm changing for my own approval.

Tracey's List Of Changes:

-Stop swearing
-Stop being angry
-Learn to not take everything so seriously
-Forget about "him"
-Learn to fake a smile
-Study more
-Learn to be selfless
-Stop raging at people for inadequate reasons
-Be more considerate

Wish me luck :)
Thank you readers,
Shall keep you updated on my progress.
xx

Update. Non-poetic.

Lately, i've developed a bit of an anger problem.
No, its not PMS =.="

It seems like every little thing people do,
Makes me angry and i just have to lash out.
I think this anger is compromising for the absence of my sadness.
Lately i've been a lot happier,
So i guess a side affect of that is...
Rage.

Its getting a bit out of control,
Its rather ridiculous.
I'm not sure how to stop myself from being angry,
But i will stop.
I sure hope so.

Moving on.
Well, my love life has become...
Confusing.
I've managed to block out a certain person,
But new people have entered my life,
And i'm not sure how to go about it.
Not wanting another relationship,
But after someone that will always be there.
My selfishness has caused a lot of grief.
I can never be satisfied.
Sigh...
I don't understand how people can put up with me =.="

Thats all for now,
I have nothing to write =.="
Life sure is boring...

Wings of love.

"Love" is a very broad topic,
There are many different understandings of it.
Whether it be people of this age are not old enough to understand its complexities,
That "love" is the greatest and closest thing there is to a miracle,
Some might even say it is just an illusion.
But i believe that "love",
Is just a word that sums up all that is good.
Because of such aspects like happiness,
Euphoria,
Care,
Compassion,
Trust,
And everything else,
"Love" is formed.
I'm not sure if there is any emotion that could compare to "love",
But i suppose love is like having wings.
If you have wings,
You can fly.
Which is like love because it takes you to new heights.
Places where you've never gotten to on your own,
Scary places which makes you stand upto your fears and doubts...
But when those wings fail,
You fall ten thousand feet to the ground,
Which leaves you with scars and wounds that may never heal.
Sometimes its even hard to get up,
Let alone take that one step that leads you towards the future...
Some are so severely hurt by the impact,
That they just lay there,
Lifeless,
Watching as their life is wasted,
Dwelling on what has happened...
But in the end,
All you can do is recover your wings,
And keep flying...

I'm on my way to recovery,
My wings are covered in bandages and scars,
But in time...
I'll be up in the sky again.
I aim to reach the clouds,
Those sanctum, white objects which float ever so softly...

Before my fall,
I felt so much happiness,
It was all a bit too overwhelming,
But still,
It was the best, most scary experience of my life.
Though my wings gave up half way,
Causing me to fall ever so hard on the cold grounds,
Of which that is this earth,
This life,
This reality...
I suffered for months,
Which felt like forever.
Then one day,
I figured,
The pain wasn't so bad anymore...
Over time,
I realised that my wings were no longer as frail as they once were.
They've grown stronger after all this time.
And i think,
Its about time,
I set off again...
Set off,
On my journey,
Into the sky...