Apologise.

I'm sorry i'm always complaining,
Especially when its about the same thing and i'm just repeating myself.
Its not that i'm after the attention,
I'm just looking for an answer i suppose.
Because i'm so incapable of anything.
I'm sorry if i come out being selfish,
I just don't have anyone else to care for me
I'm sorry i don't listen to you when you say you're here for me,
Because i don't feel that you are,
And it makes me lonely.
I'm sorry i overreact sometimes,
But thats just the way i am.
I know i'm stubborn,
I know i'm stupid,
But could you just bear with it?
I'm sorry if i depend on you too much,
But i'm just too weak to stand on my own.
I'm sorry i'm so misguided,
I just don't know what to do or what i want anymore.
I'm sorry if i offend you with the things i say,
Perhaps i should learn to be less blunt with everything.
I know i'm a handful and i know i take you forgranted sometimes.
I'm sorry if i act spoilt.
I'm sorry if i'm always sad,
I know one second of happiness is better than an eternity of sadness,
But give me a reason,
And i'll smile for you.
I'm sorry that i'm so useless,
But hey,
That's just me...
I'm sorry if you can't love me for being me,
But i really can't help that.

Clouds~

Clouds;
Soft and gentle looking things in the sky.
They are constantly moving,
Up high in the sky they float.
Contrasting with a blanket of azure,
The clouds are always seen.
On occasion they'd disappear or blend into the sky,
Turning it a shade of dark grey.
But they'd always return,
And continue to cover the heavens.

I wish i was a cloud,
That way i'd always be moving somewhere,
Instead of being stuck in one place.
Never moving,
Never changing,
Caught up with the same thing.
If i were a cloud,
I wouldn't have a care in the world.
Because i know i'm high up where i can't be reached,
And i'd be always moving on,
Moving forward,
Leaving behind my once upon a time.

I gaze up at the sky,
Admiring the clouds which float there.
But the sky seems different today,
The clouds have stopped moving.
It feels likes the world has come to a stop,
Time froze,
Life was on hold.
And to think the one thing i knew would always be moving has ceased.
Now the clouds stand still,
Not moving an inch forward,
Nor an inch back.
But stuck in its own tracks.

Irony.
I wished to be a cloud,
But who knew the cloud became what i am now.
Something that will never be able to move past the bad,
Move past my problems,
Move past the good times,
Move on.

I stare at the clouds,
Hoping to find even the slightest movement.
I do not.
I let out a laugh much like a sigh.
The clouds are no longer something i look up to,
Instead the clouds look down on me.
A lowly human life who can't handle her own destiny.
And just like that.
Me and the clouds stay put where we are...
Never moving...
Never changing...
Like this we linger...

Fairytales

If only life was like a fairytale,
Where everyone lives happily ever after.
Perhaps its too fictional for life to be like that,
But maybe reality is too realistic.
Then again,
If my life was like a fairytale,
It might break the stereotypes.
If i was Cinderella,
I'd still be doing chores.
If i was Sleeping Beauty,
I'd still be asleep.
If i was Snow White,
I'd still be laying in a glass coffin.
Without a Prince Charming,
The whole story is warped.
If it was a fairytale about me,
There wouldn't be a happy ending...

Second and last warning...

I think i'm almost at my limit.
I may have said this several times,
But this time it feels different.
Because i know i did all i could,
And i knows i've tried to work things out.
Though i may not be able to have the satisfaction of saying we both tried,
Because you didn't try.
But, i know i did everything i could,
And i gave you a chance to do everything you could.
Perhaps this problem was never meant to be solved,
Just maybe,
This is how things must be.
After all our years of friendship,
This is it.
I could be wrong,
And i could be acting rashly.
So maybe i'll wait til i can't stand it anymore.
Until that time comes,
You better get your act right,
Because you were lucky i even gave you a chance.
You may not feel anything towards this,
And maybe you were lying from the start,
But what i feel is no illusion.
And if this is an illusion,
I'm shocked at how much an illusion can hurt.
If you realise that you can't turn back now,
Then atleast inform me,
And free me from this misery.
I thought it hurt the first time,
But it hurts even more now...
Knowing i was stupid enough to let myself get hurt by you a second time...
I thought i was broken before,
But now the pieces have become ash...

Before its to late...

There is something that i need to say to you...

If i'm worth anything to you,
Then convince me that i made the right decision.
Don't make me see regret,
When i think back and look at what happened.
I gave you another chance,
So don't take it for granted.
Hurry up and do something about this silence,
Before i enforce my decision...
The decision to cut you completely out of my life...
Prove to me that you're worth my time.
I'm so tired of all this,
You're killing me.
When i thought i was free from my nightmare,
You reeled me in,
And i became trapped once again...
If i'm nothing to you,
Then let me go and keep ignoring me,
It seems like you're quite good at it.
But if theres anything left,
Then return to me.
Run forwards to my present,
And leave our memories in the past...
Convince me that our memories are nothing compared to the new memories we could make now, the near future and onwards.
Hurry,
Because i'm becoming impatient...
Because i need you..
Because i love you...
Hurry,
Before its too late...

If you do not read this in time then i guess that is our destiny...

Bounded by the past...

Ice crystals form on the leaves,
As the temperature drops.
A giant, dark blanket of night,
Covers the sky and all that is beneath it.
The eerie silence is broken with subtle sounds of the crickets,
And the gentle sobs which exude from me.
Pungent tears bleed from my eyes,
Causing it to redden.
My skin is left pale and desaturated,
As the cold numbs my body.
While my tears flow from my eyes,
Memories flow from my mind.
Smiles, happiness, laughter.
All things of the past,
A past never to repeat itself.
Then thoughts consume my head,
Thoughts of you,
Thoughts of me,
Thoughts of us.
My tears are no longer gentle,
But now crude.
What happened to the happiness we felt back then?
I want to be there for you like i used to be,
To offer you happiness,
And everything i could.
But why are you pushing me away?
Is it because you don't love me?
Or is it that its too painful to think about our former years,
And comparing it to how it is now.
I'm so bounded by my memories,
I can't seem to move forward.
Instead i'm living in the present based on the past.
I remember back to when we spoke last,
It felt just like old times.
We talked til late,
Not bothering about the time.
If we can still talk like we used to,
Then whats stopping us from picking up where we left off?
Do you fear us parting again?
Or is it that we're at our limit...

Tired of the L i e s~

Its strange how sometimes it takes you a while to discover something you're already knowledgeable about.
It took me a while to accept something that didn't need much thought,
But i guess it just took a long time to enforce my decision.
Now that i've overcome this "obstacle" i think i've earned a bit of freedom.
However,
Has anything really changed?
Now that we're "reunited",
Is there anything thats different.
I still miss you.
I still feel empty.
You still don't talk to me.
We're still apart.
So what have i gained from making my move?
What is there to be happy about?
Perhaps its too early to complain,
Or perhaps you're just taking me for a ride.
I don't know what to think,
And i don't know what you're leading me to think.
Sometimes you speak to me as if i mean the world to you,
But it feels like i'm nothing.
You confuse me ever so much,
Why can't you do what you say?
Stop contradicting yourself.
Stop hurting me...

I'll give up my everything to see you smile...

Its hard to move past the bad,
When i've been dwelling over it for so long.
Its like the darkness becomes a part of you,
And it slowly consumes your soul.
Then one day,
You're a completely changed person.
Your heart no longer beats,
Your mind no longer functions,
You're dead inside.
Why should i live on if i already feel so dead?

There's a few things that need to be said,
A few things that i've been procrastinating for a while.
I've tried to block out my thoughts,
My memories,
And everything.
But i guess my mind runs on its own and everything returns.
After seeing you for the first time in a while,
My mind hasn't been able to get past it all.
I should be focusing on other things,
But my mind seems to only think of you.
I'm not sure what i want to say,
But i know there are words that haven't been spoken.

Please, forget about me.
I don't want you to look back and see regret.
Hate me,
Despise me.
Don't harvest love for me anymore.
I want you to continue on with your life.
Don't let me hold you back.
You left me,
And i let you walk away.
We had fun while it lasted,
But it really is the end.
So please,
Don't come back.
All i want is for you to be happy,
But it seems when we're together i always end up hurting you.
I'm dying from being away from you,
But it hurts even more knowing that you're sad...
I love you...
But do me a favour and just remove me from your memory...

Don't be sad,
Smile,
Be happy:)