Self reflection.

I'm just reflecting on where i am in life at the moment.
So far my studies aren't so great, quite average, something i need to work on.
Friends, i'm not sure who they are right now. I miss the ones i've lost, take forgranted the ones that stay.
I am currently needing money, love and a plan for the future.
I'm not exactly sure what i want to do in the future, i'm not sure of anything right now.
I don't know what i want anymore.
Things of the past still occupy my mind. Trying to work my way through it i guess.
I hate being the only one who cares when it comes to relationships.
I feel as if i am victimising myself constantly, then again i suppose i am.
I'm quite selfish.
I'm always pessimistic, i suppose i should be more positive.
I'm really tired of all the drama going on these days with my friends. I'm doing my best to support them, but they aren't helping themselves so thats leading nowhere.
Everyone is so caught up with their own things, no one really cares about me now.
Just trying to get by.
I wish i had someone i could fight through life with like i used to. Now he's gone, i need someone else to support me.
I'd like to meet more people, not satisfied with those i know now.
I miss being loved and loving others. Such a distant memory.
Lifes quite dull right i now, i wish something happens to lighten it up.
I'm quite angry these days, having major mood swings.
I rage at the smallest things, and whats worse is that i know i'm being too angry, but that doesn't really stop me.
I don't like to worry my friends and being sad all the time, i just can't help it i guess.
I know i'm useless, but i try to better myself.
I just wish people wouldn't take me seriously all the time.
I'm extremely stubborn and timid but who isn't these days.
Oh, i need a new hairstyle. The one i have now is so boring.
I just want to cut and dye it into something crazy, too bad i'm not allowed to. Angry asian parents.
I need to find a new hobby aswell, just to help time pass by all that more quicker.
To be honest, i'm quite afraid to live...
Most people fear death, but death isn't all that scary. Because once you're dead then thats it. But living is much harder, because you know you exists, therefore you must deal with all the shit in your life. Now that is something that is scary.
Its hard to understand people, let alone understand myself.
I think we should all have a manual for our lives, wouldn't that make everything all that much more easier.
Sigh.
I'm really missing someone right now...
It hurts to be hated,
It hurts to be lied to,
It hurts even more when you miss someone who hates you and lies to you...
Well thats all for now.
Thank you for reading.
xx