Venting.

Mood: Melancholic.

At the moment i feel very useless, like i'm not good enough. It seems that no matter how hard i try, my best is never enough. I'm tired of losing to people...I feel so hopeless...I hate it.

Sometimes i wish life would go my way for once.
Its selfish to want that, but i can't catch a break sometimes.
I know i'm not an angel, and i am far from perfection, but seriously...
Why am i put through so much shit?
I put my everything into certain things,
And some others don't even need to try to gain it.
I try to be happy and optimistic,
Just as people tell me to be.
But i see no difference...
I do feel all that much better,
But i don't feel that i've accomplished anything.
I don't even know who to turn to anymore.
Everyone is so distant,
I can't seem to reach anyone...
I don't understand why i'm so easy to replace,
And i hate knowing that i mean nothing.
I'm trying so hard to hold myself together,
I really am...
But...
I need support...
And there's no one here to lend a helping hand.
All i need is for someone to hold me and say "it's okay, i'm here for you".
But all that comforts me is the wind blowing against my skin and the eerie silence around me...
I feel so cold...
I wish someone was here.

Each day is the same,
I'm putting all my efforts into maintaining a typical me.
Though i act the same,
I'm totally different on the inside...
My words are empty,
My smiles are hollow,
The laughter is just a lie...
No one notices the pain i feel and i doubt they'd care.
I'm growing really tired of it actually...Not exactly used to covering up what i'm feeling.

I feel so ugly. When i look in the mirror i just can't stand the sight of my reflection.
As ashamed as i am to say, make-up makes me feel a little better about myself.
I for one am not a strong believer in make-up...But as my emotions darken so does my make-up...
I really do hate this...
What am i becoming?
I'm really...afraid...
Of myself right now...
I'm afraid of being alone...
I'm afraid that i'll never be able to be truly happy...

"Don't worry, cheer up".
The next person who says that, will get slapped =.="
I worry because well that's what i do...
I worry and over-think things.
I am a drama queen.
I am a person who cries over spilt milk.
I am a glass-half-empty person.
And i will cheer up on my own terms.
Yes, i am aware i am very emotionally unstable, but that doesn't make me a complete pessimist.
I am happy most of the time.
Its just when shit goes down, the drama queen in me is brought to life.
I'm happy when i'm happy.
I'm sad when i'm sad.
I just wish people would stop categorizing me as "emo" and all...
That's not all that i am...
And i wish people would stop talking to me as if they understand how i feel or the situation itself.
I know deep down that if they were in my shoes, they wouldn't handle it so well...
So stop criticising me with your hypocrisy!

Sigh...
At times like this i can't help but consider death an option...