Starry Night.

Someone once told me,
That when there is only one star in the sky,
You make a wish.
So last night,
I closed my eyes and wished...
Then when i looked back up at the sky,
The star was gone.
I wonder what that means.
Maybe my wish will come true,
I guess it's all upto you...
_______________________________

I gaze up at the dark, night sky,
I see a crescent moon,
And one twinkly, bright star.
This star i see,
Is so dazzling,
Yet so alone.
By itself it shines past all the darkness,
Creating a small sense of hope,
For the mere mortals beneath it.
I close my eyes,
And think up a wish.
So many things which i desire,
But only one to choose.
I make my decision,
And unlock my eyes.
It seems my star has disappeared.
Where have you gone my star?
The sky seems so dark without you.
Have you gone to grant my wish,
Or have you abandoned me?
I hope you come back,
You're my star.
Without you,
My sky seems so dark and empty.
What night would i have then,
If you weren't there for me to gaze at?
I wish that you'd always be here...
Star of mine.
______________________________

Do wishes really come true?
You can't say no,
Seeing as some people have received what they wanted.
I guess it all depends on what you're wishing for.
Sometimes you need to grant your own wish,
And make it come true on your own.
Other times you're just lucky and it just happens.
I suppose we have wishes to express what we want.
If we wish hard enough,
Then maybe the wish will come true,
Because our desire is so great,
We'd do anything to achieve this "wish".
Unfortunately,
Its not always like this,
And in the end we're left unfulfilled.
"You can’t own everything you desire. Sometimes, all you can do is appreciate their existence."

Decisions.

So lately,
A lot of people have been telling me that i made a mistake about my "decision".
I chose one thing over another,
And apparently i'm just going to end up hurt again.
I've been thinking a lot and perhaps they're right,
But i know that whether it is right or not,
Its what i want.
Sometimes you can't choose what is best for you,
Rather what makes you feel more content with.
I probably will regret my decision somewhere along the way,
But i made up my mind,
And i'll stick with it til the very end.
Whether i receive happiness or pain from my decision,
I'll accept it.
I've been through so much shit with this "decision",
That i really don't care anymore.
I don't mind settling for less,
Not getting what i deserve,
Not being treated the way i would want.
In life,
You have to value what you have,
Because there are many people who would kill to be where you are.
I look upon life with sad, pessimistic views,
But that's only because i pass through life,
Driven by selfishness.
But now,
I'm willing to lose my pride and dignity,
Over this "decision".
And i won't care.
Everyone tells me that i should care,
And my dignity is everything.
They say that when i have nothing left,
My dignity will still be there,
And that's all that matters.
But i think,
What will dignity do for me,
If i have nothing to dignify?
If i chose my alternative option,
Would i truly be happy?
Could i really grow to fully accept it?
Maybe.
But this is my last chance,
To do what feels best,
What brings me more happiness then anything in this world.
Am i being naive?
Perhaps.
But i know that happiness is short-lived,
So why not enjoy it while it lasts.
Before the sadness kicks in,
I'll embrace the positives of my "decision",
And i'll feel that sensation i once felt before.
I understand all the consequences of my actions,
And i have full consent on the conditions.
Right now...
I want to do what i think would make me happier,
No matter how much pain i endure after or during,
I know it will be worth it.
And if it isn't,
Then i guess that is just another cold lesson i will learn on my journey through life.
For now,
I do not know how things will turn out.
So i'll keep waiting...
Waiting til my "decision" is fully enforced...

Mykool.

Lately, you've been so caught up with such a simple matter.
I tried so hard to convince you that i'd always be there...
You kept arguing,
And we both fought a meaningless battle...
Look what became of us.
You were so afraid of losing me,
That you pushed me away...
I didn't leave you,
You kicked me out of your life...
You say i mean the world to you,
Yet you could say all those things while we were arguing?
Please,
Do not bother me with your excuses,
Your apologies,
Your pleading...
Whats said is said,
And whats done is done.
I am still here for you Mykool...
Just not personally there.
I'll still look out for you,
You just won't sense my presence,
Because i won't be there...
But in your heart,
I'll always remain...

If we do recover from this,
Then let this be a very cold lesson...
Don't push me over the edge...
Because as i fell,
You also slipped,
And together..
We're nearing to our deaths...

Bye for now Anh Hai.
Your Em always loves you...

You're only human...

Sometimes i wonder why i can't be as simple-minded as others.
Perhaps i was never cut out to be a simpleton.
Or maybe,
I'm so simple that people don't know how to treat me.
I know i can be very confusing at times,
But that's only because some people cause my pessimistic side to show.
Sometimes,
When you're told something repeatedly,
It starts to sink in,
And you start believing what they say,
Whether it be a joke or not.
Its hard to think positively,
When all that escapes other peoples mouths,
Is negativity.
I mean,
Why expect someone to be optimistic,
When all you're doing,
Is telling them the negatives?
Humans;
Such strange and perplexed creatures.
We all doubt things when something good happens,
Yet we complain when it doesn't happen.
I suppose, some things are just too good to be true,
And we search endlessly for reasons to spoil this good "thing".
But when it doesn't happen,
We constantly ponder about how much we want it,
And get disappointed when we wait too long.
We'll never be truly satisfied.

I guess something good has happened to me lately,
But in a way,
Its rather the opposite.
I'm not sure which way i'm leaning towards at the moment.
Its good because it makes me happy,
And i've been waiting for it for so long,
It almost seems like forever that i've been waiting...
It could also be counted as bad because,
During that period of time,
I worked so hard to get where i am today,
But it will just drag me back to the start.
The moment when i'm about to move on,
I get pulled back again...
I'm doubting a lot,
And i'm not sure how to feel.
I suppose before i figure out how i feel,
I need to know how you truly feel...
About me,
And about "her".

But for your sake and for mine,
I will cease all the doubts,
And just live for the moment.
In time i really do need to know what you're thinking...
But for now,
I'll enjoy this good "thing",
Before it ends :)

xx

Mason.

Mason...
Why did you come back?
I let you go,
Why aren't you moving on?

You know how much you mean to me,
You know how much i care about you,
You know...
How much i love you...
But,
Will this just be another stupid repeat?
We've forgiven our mistakes before,
And each time we thought it was all good,
But then it all comes crashing down,
And me and you are left with nothing but pain...
So what difference will there be this time?

I don't want to hurt you anymore,
Because it hurts me twice as much knowing that i cause you confusion and sadness.
Mason,
You are so much better off without me...
Don't you know?
Aren't i the one who makes you miserable?
The one who compels you with hurt and anguish?
I'm not good for you Mason...
Can't you see that?
Or are you just as blind as me?

Nothing would make me happier than to be with you again,
Friends or whatnot...
But i'm just as scared as you are,
And i don't know what i would do if things don't go right this time.
How am i supposed to know how serious you are about this?
Is it fictional writing?
Are you playing with my emotions?
I don't know anymore...

I want to say "Hello",
But there are so many missing pieces...
So before we say "Hello",
Promise me there will be no "Good bye"...

You escaped my view...

Today, i watched the sunset at the top of the carpark.
My favourite thing to do,
At my favourite location.
But today, the sunset seemed more beautiful than usual.
I'm not sure if it was the actual sight that was beautiful,
Or if it was because of the person i was with.

As per usual,
My gaze was mostly set on the clouds.
The sun, i could barely see.
I suppose it was hiding away behind the clouds.
After a while,
The sun fought its way past the clouds,
And together,
They formed a scene too beauteous for a mere mortals eyes to embrace.
A grey sky, turned orange, yellow, pink, purple and blue.
And i had a sudden thought...
Perhaps you're the sun,
And i'm the cloud.
I'm blocking your way,
Making sure you barely exist.
And you're trying to shine through my efforts,
Trying to get through to me.
Maybe if i let you in,
We could also form something beautiful,
Something more magical than we ever could if we were separated.

I didn't see you today,
But apparently you were there.
The slight mention of your name,
And your presence,
Made my heart bleed...
And after a while,
My eyes joined in.
Together they bled bloody crystal tears.
How could i not see you?...
Have i become more blind?
Have you changed that much in physical appearance?
Or was it because, for once in my life,
You weren't in my thoughts...

I never realised how broken i can be,
Thinking about how much i miss you,
And how i just crumble when you're around.
How can i get rid of this feeling?
This feeling of longing to see you,
If i can't even look at you,
Without pouring my eyes out?

When i'm with him,
I don't think of you.
But when i'm reminded,
My mind comes crawling back to our memories,
And i become trapped in your web again...
Should i let myself forget?
Should i just act like this scar on my heart doesn't exist?
That there is no pain?
That you don't exist?
Or should i keep holding onto you even when we're past our goodbyes...
What do you want me to do?...
Help.

Misguided.

After all this time,
I still haven't moved on.
And my heart sure hasn't forgotten either.
Everyone is telling me to find another,
And i have but,
No one else comes anywhere close to you.
I've met many people,
People who would treat me like a princess.
But in the end,
I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect,
Superman,
Or Prince Charming.
You didn't treat me that well,
But i loved you so much.
So when a good guy comes along,
I question myself "Why?".
Why can't i fall for him?
Why is there no chemistry?
Why do i feel nothing?
Such a simple word,
Simple question,
Complicated answer that comes with it.
I think that remembering you,
Makes it impossible to like anyone else.
I try so hard,
To erase you from my memory.
I close my eyes,
And i see your face.
Then i open,
And i see no one.
Loneliness.
I know i said good bye for a reason,
But it kills so much being away from you.
I knew that us being together,
Was too complicated,
That we'd just drive eachother insane.
So i thought i'd let go,
So i wouldn't hold you back anymore,
So that you could find someone better,
So that we'd be at peace.
Though i'm just the same,
I thought that you'd always turn out better than me.
Because thats the way it has always been.
I'm so used to you having an apathetic attitude towards me,
And i'm sure you're very used to me always being pessimistic.
But i realise that you've changed,
And i sure have changed aswell.
If only you could see,
How much i've altered myself,
How much i care...
I really am stupid aren't i?
I said goodbye,
Now i'm trying to drag you back into my life...
I'm lost without any direction.
I don't know what i want from you,
And i don't know what i want from myself.
I just don't know where to go from here.
The map says turn left,
But i see no road.
I'm walking on a dirt road,
Trying to find a path,
A track,
Something that is heading somewhere...
I'm so misguided...
I wished you were here to show me the way...