At the moment

6:32PM

Mood: Pensive, annoyed, betrayed

Songs that explain how i feel right now:

Pain - Jhene Aiko
Footprints On My Heart - Paula Deanda


I'm drowning away my sadness with music, though the rhythm fuels my emotions.
Its not good to keep thinking about everything, but i can't help it.
I feel angry, yet calm.
I feel hate, yet love.
I feel lied to, yet so honest...

Tell me how i'm supposed to feel,
Because right now i have no idea...
You don't feel any pain do you?
I've done you a favour and taken in the impact.
You lead me all this way,
Just to leave me stranded.
I can't help but question why...
Why would you go to all that trouble just to talk to me,
To spend time with me,
Just to leave me in the end?
Why would you come back,
If in the end we're just back where we started?
Why do you leave me empty handed,
After letting me wait for a whole year?
Why does it hurt so much,
Yet you feel nothing?
Why am i only able to forget for only a moment,
Before the pain kicks in again?
Why am i so hopeless when it comes to you,
Yet you're so composed and in control?
Why're you able to move on without a care,
While i'm stuck in the same corner?
Why do my eyes flood with tears,
While yours are completely dry?
Why would you say 'i love you',
When those words are followed by 'i love her'?
Why did you play me...
Why did i let you play me...

8:05 PM

Mood: Neutral

You've really turned me off...
I think i can let go this time.
The pain may still be there,
But i'll pretend it doesn't hurt...

I really do wish for us to be friends though,
That i'm certain of...
Lets try our best yea?

Meaning behind words with melody.

It's 8.44AM, Sunday Morning, 11/10/09

hehe what a funny date :3

Anyways, i'm at work and i'm typing this on my phone. I guess i just needed to clear my mind, and to kill my boredom i suppose.

Current mood: Tired, lonely, used, foolish.

At the moment i'm listening to Break Even - The Script.

This song holds so much meaning, it relates quite well with how i feel and the situation i'm in.
When relationships end, there will always be someone who hurts more than the other. The one that hurts most, is the one who tried the hardest and loved the most.
Its strange how the one who put their everything into something is the one left behind.
But i suppose thats just how life is,
Unfair.

Breathe - Lee Carr

This song is about how this person can't live without the other. "You're the reason that i breathe".
I suppose this song is in my perspective, only with minor differences.
Is it silly to feel this strongly about someone?
I mean, what causes us to feel this way?
What makes us love?
I suppose thats just how life is,
Full of unanswered questions.

Back Track - Lil Eddie

This song reminds me of him. I think he listened to it aswell.
Its about going back to fill in on everything they missed out on. Trying to find the missing pieces of the puzzle.
In order to stay together, there can't be any blanks or blind spots.
For things to work out, both sides must try.
To succeed you must sacrafice things along the way.
You can win a battle,
But you could lose the war.
I suppose thats how life is,
Full of hardships.

Blink - The Connect

One of my favourite songs. It explains and portrays so much about how i feel and the things i question.
Its about the other person making up their mind on what they want before "I'm" gone. It questions what they're looking for. They say they want to find love, but the love has always been here. In a blink of an eye, you could lose everything you've ever wanted. "Because i just might be gone if you blink".
I suppose thats how life is,
Full of decisions and choices.

Circle - Marques Houston

This song is about going around in circles with someone. After they're long gone you still think of them. Even with new relationships and experiences you can't help but think they're haunting you.
"Somebody get me out of this circle".
No matter how hard you try, your mind just runs back to that someone and the memories you have.
After the fights are through you end up with that person again. Repeat.
All you want is to end the constant cycle but you just can't.
"And i'm back where i started, you're back in my life".
I suppose thats how life is,
Repetitive.

Complicated - Nivea

This song represents everything i used to think and feel...
Listen to it...
Pretty self-explanatory.

Life...
Filled with one-sided love.

9.29AM

Mood: Tired, nostalgic, missing you...

Now listening to "Don't tell me it's over - Deepside."

xx

The end.

Do you understand how i feel?
I'm sure you don't.
I put my everything into you,
I sacrificed my time,
My pride,
My friends,
My heart...
All just to be with you.
I've given up so much,
And in the end,
You return me with broken promises,
Broken dreams,
Shattered memories,
False hope,
A bucket load of tears,
And a broken heart...
I suppose this has become a life routine for me,
But i'm tired of following this plan.
I want out...

I don't understand why you must keep hurting me.
You lead me into believing that i actually meant something to you...
Every moment we shared,
Every smile we exchanged,
Every word,
Every touch,
Every kiss...
A lie.
Baby we were over,
You should've just left it that way...
You say you missed me,
But you don't have to right to.
With the way we are,
Who is there to blame?
You, for being so indecisive on what you want,
Me, for being so pitiful.
I let you walk all over me like i'm nothing,
And i actually accept it.
Where is my dignity?
My own self-respect?
Its over there,
Under your foot...

I feel like i've wasted a whole year of my life,
When i could've been out there having fun.
But in the end,
I still don't regret waiting for you,
I don't regret taking you back,
I don't regret choosing you,
I don't regret loving you...
I guess the only thing i regret is,
Not being able to keep a hold of you.
I held on so tight,
But you managed to slip away...

I don't think i can face you anymore.
Today i saw you with her,
I saw how happy you were to be near her,
And for the rest of the day,
Images of you and her kept repeating in my head,
Like a song stuck on replay...

I watched the sunset at my favourite location today,
But there was nothing to watch go down...
Just like you,
The sun wasn't there...
I always thought of you as my sun,
But now you're elsewhere,
The sun in the sky couldn't be seen either...
Irony.
At the end of the day,
You disappeared,
Just like the sun...
Now my world is dark and cold.
How lonely.

The Princess sits by herself in the cold castle walls,
Waiting for her true Prince Charming to come and save her...

The end.

Love is a Battlefield.

Everyone seems to be pulling me in the opposite direction of you,
And you and me both know that i'll never listen to them.
But i'm left to think,
What if i'm wrong?

Every time we fall apart,
It seems one of us just has to crawl back to the other every chance we get.
Is it normal for people to fight endless battles,
And just surrender time after time?
Can this war truly be won if we just keep running back?

Instead of giving in to the other,
I want to be able to negotiate,
To work things out.
That way we won't have to return to this awful place,
And during all the time we spend placing blame,
We could be having the time of our lives.

The only thing keeping us from ending this feud,
Is understanding.
Its hard enough trying to understand anything you say or feel,
Let alone have you change your mind every second.
One minute you'd say one thing,
And the next you're saying the complete opposite.

I'm happy with believing what you say,
But i'd be happier if those words stayed,
Rather than be replaced with something totally different.
Then again, I suppose its just what you're feeling right?
I don't want to force you to feel something towards me,
I don't need to be your whole world...
I just wish to be a part of it.

I don't need you to say "i love you",
I don't need you to keep me happy with fake words,
Fake emotions,
Fake relationships.
I don't need you to be something you're not.
I don't need you to win this war...
This war is for both of us...
I don't need you to fight alone,
Because whether you need me or not,
I'm always here...
Waiting for a chance to prove myself.
But a soldier without a goal,
Or a sense of meaning,
Is just someone fighting without a cause...

Give me a reason for being.

I love you,
But is that enough to hold us together?

Our Fairytale...Ch.2

It seems the Prince in this tragic fairytale,
Has lost his way.
The Princess stays inside the cold, castle walls,
Waiting for his return.
She thinks about him every second of every day,
Longing to be in his arms again.
With the time and space the Prince has left her with,
Memories and thoughts crowd her mind.
Everything that escapes her thoughts,
Is a doubt,
Followed by words of hope,
That contradict everything she thinks.
"He won't return,"
"But maybe his heart will persevere and show him the way."
"Maybe he doesn't love me enough to come back,"
"Maybe he loves me so much he's left confused."
"He can't see himself with me anymore,"
"Maybe he's just afraid to admit to himself that he's found that one person."
"What if we've reached the finish line?"
"But what if the race hasn't even started?"
These constant contradictions repeat over and over again.
Is there no end to this madness?
"Come back soon fair Prince..."

In the meanwhile,
The Prince is battling his way through the dark, frightful, fortress of broken hearts.
So many events and people delay his journey back to the Princess,
But mostly his own confusion and doubts.
Fear keeps him from continuing his journey,
And compunction keeps him from loving the Princess.
The Prince also has many contradictions,
But rather the opposite of what the Princess thinks.
His thoughts are of what his heart speaks,
Followed by doubts from his mind.
"I should hurry back to the Princess,"
"But maybe i should take my time."
"She'll be happy if i'm with her,"
"Perhaps i'm not good enough to protect her."
"I love her more than anything,"
"Maybe i'm just caught up in the moment."
"We could make it to the end together,"
"Maybe we should just give up now"
The Prince contemplates on what he wants,
And what he think is best.
"I'm sorry my Princess, please wait for me..."

Perhaps this Prince isn't the Prince Charming he was destined to be in this tragic fairytale,
But the Princess could argue over that.
He's a fool,
But the Princess knows she couldn't love anyone less foolish...

To be continued...

Project Modify: Update

Hello there fellow bloggers.
Remember my "project modify" blog about me making personal alterations?
Well,
Just keeping you updated.

-Stop swearing - No improvements =.="
-Stop being angry - I am a lot more happy so i have no reasons to be angry :D
-Learn to not take everything so seriously - Yea pretty much going with the flow and being apathetic
-Forget about "him" - I don't need to forget him anymore :3
-Learn to fake a smile - Don't need to fake a smile :)
-Study more - Small improvement.
-Learn to be selfless - I can tick this one ;D
-Stop raging at people for inadequate reasons - Tick
-Be more considerate - Not sure about this one =/ i think i already am =.=" so uhh tick?

New things to add to my list:
-Have a functioning relationship
-Be more feminine
-Figure out what i want to be when i finish high school
-Be less needy

:)

Our Fairytale...Ch. 1

Today is the first day of a new month.
This is where our new chapter begins...

When we thought our story had ended,
Another sequel is set to come out.
The day is coming to an end,
And so is this one chapter.
Slowly making our way to the bottom of the page,
With one last line left to write...
"And the boy stood there like a statue, however this time, the girl stood next to him. Together they stood, until the spell wares off and they're separated again..."
With hidden meanings,
To only be understood by the author of this fairytale.
The author being,
The voices of our collaborated hearts.
Hopefully our story,
Will last a bit longer and contain more happiness than the previous.
Hopefully its not as limited as Cinderella's pumpkin,
Or as fatal as Snow whites apple.
Perhaps this tragic fairytale that our hearts write,
Will have a happy ending...