The worst part about me,
Is the part that i hold most dearly.
It's something that no matter how many times you try to throw it away,
It always comes back to you.
It's something that is only limited to one,
And can never be replaced.
It's something that brings you all the happiness in the world,
But also all the pain and sadness.
It's something that makes you so strong,
Yet so broken and insecure.
It's something that gives you company,
But at times you feel so lonely.
It's something that makes you confident,
Yet so bashful and shy.
It's something that feels so magical,
That it's almost unbelievable.
It's something that no dream could compare to,
Because reality is all that much better.
It's something that is once in a lifetime,
But doesn't always last forever.
It's something that everyone has ever wished for,
Yet is also the most mysterious and feared.
It's something that makes you feel like you're flying,
But your feet has not left the ground.
It's something that makes you smile,
Yet makes you cry more than anything.
It's something that feels effortless,
But makes you work your hardest.
It's something that is so indescribable,
Yet can be summed up in a word.
Love.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
I dream that you exist...
I gave away my tears,
As if they didn't come at a price.
Sadness and disappointment in the form of liquid,
Trickling from my eyes like light rainfall.
But at what cost did i suffer,
Exposing these tears to you?
You broke my trust,
And caused me to damage my pride.
"I'll mend your heart",
I guess you couldn't...
Instead you broke what was left of it.
I'm officially over trying to reassemble myself,
Trying to sooth my loneliness,
Trying to find someone who actually cared about me...
It's terrifying being alone.
It feels like i'm fading away,
Or perhaps, the world is fading,
Leaving me behind...
I tried to find my way,
But i ended up wondering aimlessly,
Now i'm more lost than ever.
What can i do?
I stare up at the brightest star in this dark and compelling sky,
I close my eyes,
Hands clapped together in prayer,
And i wish...
Please, come to my rescue...
You're someone who is so much like myself,
Yet so different.
When i'm sad,
I can trust you to be there,
To say that everything will be okay and that you'll always be there.
You're someone who can tolerate me when i'm moody,
But have the courage to tell me when i'm wrong and aren't always lenient of me.
You'll show me what its like to be loved by someone,
Whose smile just lights up my empty world.
Your kisses are so sweet,
It leaves me breathless.
You're someone who doesn't need to tell me that i'm pretty or whatnot,
Because being around you makes me feel so beautiful.
When i look into those adoring eyes,
My heart flutters and i just melt into your gaze.
Every word that escapes those lips of yours,
Just makes me laugh and worked up.
You're someone who will give me courage to keep fighting,
Because being with you is worth all the effort.
Everything will always work out because you're my one and only.
Together we'll live happily ever after,
And prove that perhaps fairytales are real...
It's just a shame...
I haven't met you yet...
As if they didn't come at a price.
Sadness and disappointment in the form of liquid,
Trickling from my eyes like light rainfall.
But at what cost did i suffer,
Exposing these tears to you?
You broke my trust,
And caused me to damage my pride.
"I'll mend your heart",
I guess you couldn't...
Instead you broke what was left of it.
I'm officially over trying to reassemble myself,
Trying to sooth my loneliness,
Trying to find someone who actually cared about me...
It's terrifying being alone.
It feels like i'm fading away,
Or perhaps, the world is fading,
Leaving me behind...
I tried to find my way,
But i ended up wondering aimlessly,
Now i'm more lost than ever.
What can i do?
I stare up at the brightest star in this dark and compelling sky,
I close my eyes,
Hands clapped together in prayer,
And i wish...
Please, come to my rescue...
You're someone who is so much like myself,
Yet so different.
When i'm sad,
I can trust you to be there,
To say that everything will be okay and that you'll always be there.
You're someone who can tolerate me when i'm moody,
But have the courage to tell me when i'm wrong and aren't always lenient of me.
You'll show me what its like to be loved by someone,
Whose smile just lights up my empty world.
Your kisses are so sweet,
It leaves me breathless.
You're someone who doesn't need to tell me that i'm pretty or whatnot,
Because being around you makes me feel so beautiful.
When i look into those adoring eyes,
My heart flutters and i just melt into your gaze.
Every word that escapes those lips of yours,
Just makes me laugh and worked up.
You're someone who will give me courage to keep fighting,
Because being with you is worth all the effort.
Everything will always work out because you're my one and only.
Together we'll live happily ever after,
And prove that perhaps fairytales are real...
It's just a shame...
I haven't met you yet...
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
My resolutions.
School starts up again in a few weeks, how exciting. Not.
I told myself that this year i'd focus everything on studies, but i'm pretty sure i'm just going to fail in the end.
Each year i tell myself, "study, study, study".
But no, i attempt to, but in the end i just get distracted.
I know i have potential, we all do, but i'm just too lazy.
There's no motivation, and even if i had motivation, i always give up in the end.
Halfheartedness...
It'll be the death of me.
I just wish i could accomplish something, anything, this year...
So i'm going to write up a list, 100 resolutions to be done by the end of twenty ten.
1. Mid-terms. Get atleast 80% for maths & 70% for English.
2. Study, study, study!
3. Only allowed to drink on 3 occasions.
4. Stop/cut down on swearing.
5. Get mostly A's and B's on report.
6. Find a new hobby.
7. Find new fashion sense.
8. Find new hairstyle.
9. Be in a functioning relationship.
10. Go out for coffee with the girls.
11. Buy Lina a birthday present for once.
12. Maintain friendship with all the asians. (Group at school)
13. Forget about "Mr. Lochness Monster" x]
14. Find something other than Cross earrings/necklaces to collect.
15. Get a job.
16. Clean room once every week.
17. Clean house once every 2 weeks.
18. Stop swearing/talking back at mum.
19. Go to dinner with dad once in a while.
20. Learn to professionally cut hair.
21. Learn to pop/freestyle.
22. Don't START doing drugs.
23. Save money. Atleast have $500 at the end of the year.
24. Go running daily in Autumn and winter, granted that its not raining.
25. Lose weight.
26. Only have fast food once a week.
27. Find a new hang out spot.
28. Find somewhere to watch sunset (other than CPP)
29. Watch Avatar: The Last Airbender in movies :3
30. Watch Toy Story 3 in movies.
31. Have a birthday party.
32. Celebrate Christmas for the first time. (Even though i hate Christmas)
33. Watch fireworks on new years.
34. Watch fireworks on Australia Day.
35. Fold 1000 Cranes.
36. Start drawing again.
37. Pay attention in class 80% of the time.
38. Clean brothers room once a month.
39. Sing to Paul.
40. Learn how to play piano.
41. Draw my own design on canvas shoe.
42. Buy iPod speakers.
43. Go to the beach with Mykool. (Last place i'd ever want to be =.=")
44. Eat at a fancy restaurant.
45. Find a substitute for Gatsby.
46. Eat 10 cheeseburgers at Maccaz in one go. (Man, i'm going to die from cholesterol=.=")
47. Don't get involved in any physical fights.
48. Cook something for the whole family for dinner.
49. Eat dinner with family atleast 5 times.
50. Don't dye hair.
51. Count up how many lies i tell. For each lie, i'd give a dollar to charity.
52. Watch 10 new whole anime series'.
53. Watch 2 drama's.
54. Learn to play basketball.
55. Read 20 novels.
56. Complete all homework and assignments.
57. Only 3 hours of internet on school nights.
58. Wake up at 7AM everyday.
59. Eat breakfast everyday.
60. Spend only $6 on canteen food.
61. Eat less =.="
62. Pay for Nandos for the asians.
63. Pay for KFC for the asians.
64. Buy Li new clothes =.="
65. Cut 5 peoples hair.
66. Dye 5 peoples hair
67. Buy Lina waffles.
68. Bake brownies.
67. Bake cookies.
68. Don't argue with teachers.
69. Learn proper Japanese.
70. Only sleep in class once a week.
71. Do gym after school atleast once a week.
72. Make Jenny a jar of green stars.
73. Go to Melbourne.
74. Learn to play all of Chun-Li's combos in Street Fighter IV.
75. Learn to play all of Lili's combo's in Tekken 6.
76. Beat Cindy in Tekken 6.
77. Cosplay for Supanova.
78. Become pro at pool.
79. Go to Royal Show.
80. Go to Adventure World.
81. Go to a movie night at Lydia's.
82. Write my own song lyrics.
83. Sing my lyrics to someone.
84. Draw a portrait of someone.
85. Buy a series of a novel.
Okay, screw 100=.="
I can only think of 85 things.
Good enough.
Well, wish me luck :3
I told myself that this year i'd focus everything on studies, but i'm pretty sure i'm just going to fail in the end.
Each year i tell myself, "study, study, study".
But no, i attempt to, but in the end i just get distracted.
I know i have potential, we all do, but i'm just too lazy.
There's no motivation, and even if i had motivation, i always give up in the end.
Halfheartedness...
It'll be the death of me.
I just wish i could accomplish something, anything, this year...
So i'm going to write up a list, 100 resolutions to be done by the end of twenty ten.
1. Mid-terms. Get atleast 80% for maths & 70% for English.
2. Study, study, study!
3. Only allowed to drink on 3 occasions.
4. Stop/cut down on swearing.
5. Get mostly A's and B's on report.
6. Find a new hobby.
7. Find new fashion sense.
8. Find new hairstyle.
9. Be in a functioning relationship.
10. Go out for coffee with the girls.
11. Buy Lina a birthday present for once.
12. Maintain friendship with all the asians. (Group at school)
13. Forget about "Mr. Lochness Monster" x]
14. Find something other than Cross earrings/necklaces to collect.
15. Get a job.
16. Clean room once every week.
17. Clean house once every 2 weeks.
18. Stop swearing/talking back at mum.
19. Go to dinner with dad once in a while.
20. Learn to professionally cut hair.
21. Learn to pop/freestyle.
22. Don't START doing drugs.
23. Save money. Atleast have $500 at the end of the year.
24. Go running daily in Autumn and winter, granted that its not raining.
25. Lose weight.
26. Only have fast food once a week.
27. Find a new hang out spot.
28. Find somewhere to watch sunset (other than CPP)
29. Watch Avatar: The Last Airbender in movies :3
30. Watch Toy Story 3 in movies.
31. Have a birthday party.
32. Celebrate Christmas for the first time. (Even though i hate Christmas)
33. Watch fireworks on new years.
34. Watch fireworks on Australia Day.
35. Fold 1000 Cranes.
36. Start drawing again.
37. Pay attention in class 80% of the time.
38. Clean brothers room once a month.
39. Sing to Paul.
40. Learn how to play piano.
41. Draw my own design on canvas shoe.
42. Buy iPod speakers.
43. Go to the beach with Mykool. (Last place i'd ever want to be =.=")
44. Eat at a fancy restaurant.
45. Find a substitute for Gatsby.
46. Eat 10 cheeseburgers at Maccaz in one go. (Man, i'm going to die from cholesterol=.=")
47. Don't get involved in any physical fights.
48. Cook something for the whole family for dinner.
49. Eat dinner with family atleast 5 times.
50. Don't dye hair.
51. Count up how many lies i tell. For each lie, i'd give a dollar to charity.
52. Watch 10 new whole anime series'.
53. Watch 2 drama's.
54. Learn to play basketball.
55. Read 20 novels.
56. Complete all homework and assignments.
57. Only 3 hours of internet on school nights.
58. Wake up at 7AM everyday.
59. Eat breakfast everyday.
60. Spend only $6 on canteen food.
61. Eat less =.="
62. Pay for Nandos for the asians.
63. Pay for KFC for the asians.
64. Buy Li new clothes =.="
65. Cut 5 peoples hair.
66. Dye 5 peoples hair
67. Buy Lina waffles.
68. Bake brownies.
67. Bake cookies.
68. Don't argue with teachers.
69. Learn proper Japanese.
70. Only sleep in class once a week.
71. Do gym after school atleast once a week.
72. Make Jenny a jar of green stars.
73. Go to Melbourne.
74. Learn to play all of Chun-Li's combos in Street Fighter IV.
75. Learn to play all of Lili's combo's in Tekken 6.
76. Beat Cindy in Tekken 6.
77. Cosplay for Supanova.
78. Become pro at pool.
79. Go to Royal Show.
80. Go to Adventure World.
81. Go to a movie night at Lydia's.
82. Write my own song lyrics.
83. Sing my lyrics to someone.
84. Draw a portrait of someone.
85. Buy a series of a novel.
Okay, screw 100=.="
I can only think of 85 things.
Good enough.
Well, wish me luck :3
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Change?
Everyone has their own roles to play in this world,
Their own battles to fight,
Their own puzzles to solve,
Their own hearts to mend...
Deep within us all is a place where we harvest our strength to pull through all our problems.
Some days that supply will run out or run on low,
So we lean and depend on others to support us.
But sometimes, you just get tired of pulling others down with you.
You get so over having to reach out to others in order for you to survive.
Though you're unable to stand on your own,
You're too proud to ask for a helping hand.
At times you find yourself wanting to step forward,
But are unwilling to accept change, so you stay put.
Sometimes you might even be pushed backwards, but never forward.
The past has always seemed to be the best to me,
Perhaps its because i've lived through it and have had so much time to replay it in my mind and to understand it on every single level and angle.
I suppose we all feel safer with what we know rather than the unknown.
New opportunities present itself right before your eyes,
Trying to hold out a caring and loving hand,
But we hesitate, not wanting to take the chance that could change everything.
We've stood in that same spot for such a long time,
Our minds tell us to just step forward,
Take the risk,
Forget the past,
Move on.
But as always, there is something which stands in the way.
Perhaps its fear,
Or your own comfort in being so used to living this way.
It's hard to accept change,
And we struggle each day, making decisions which control our fate.
"Love" is probably the most challenging thing we'll face in our adolescent and perhaps our adult lives.
There are so many factors and theories behind "love" and i suppose that's what makes it so difficult to understand.
The things we choose and are forced to do because of the love we feel is almost crazy.
After all, "love makes you do crazy things".
Though we fear change,
Doesn't love cause us all to change?
We may change to suit our loved ones needs,
Or change just because of love itself.
Whether it be good or bad, change is inevitable.
Well, change itself isn't what we try to fight.
It's accepting that change,
Or accepting something that can't be changed.
So my question to my bloggers is:
Is it better to dive in,
At risk of drowning...
Or play it safe and remain on the secure and unchanging ground?
Their own battles to fight,
Their own puzzles to solve,
Their own hearts to mend...
Deep within us all is a place where we harvest our strength to pull through all our problems.
Some days that supply will run out or run on low,
So we lean and depend on others to support us.
But sometimes, you just get tired of pulling others down with you.
You get so over having to reach out to others in order for you to survive.
Though you're unable to stand on your own,
You're too proud to ask for a helping hand.
At times you find yourself wanting to step forward,
But are unwilling to accept change, so you stay put.
Sometimes you might even be pushed backwards, but never forward.
The past has always seemed to be the best to me,
Perhaps its because i've lived through it and have had so much time to replay it in my mind and to understand it on every single level and angle.
I suppose we all feel safer with what we know rather than the unknown.
New opportunities present itself right before your eyes,
Trying to hold out a caring and loving hand,
But we hesitate, not wanting to take the chance that could change everything.
We've stood in that same spot for such a long time,
Our minds tell us to just step forward,
Take the risk,
Forget the past,
Move on.
But as always, there is something which stands in the way.
Perhaps its fear,
Or your own comfort in being so used to living this way.
It's hard to accept change,
And we struggle each day, making decisions which control our fate.
"Love" is probably the most challenging thing we'll face in our adolescent and perhaps our adult lives.
There are so many factors and theories behind "love" and i suppose that's what makes it so difficult to understand.
The things we choose and are forced to do because of the love we feel is almost crazy.
After all, "love makes you do crazy things".
Though we fear change,
Doesn't love cause us all to change?
We may change to suit our loved ones needs,
Or change just because of love itself.
Whether it be good or bad, change is inevitable.
Well, change itself isn't what we try to fight.
It's accepting that change,
Or accepting something that can't be changed.
So my question to my bloggers is:
Is it better to dive in,
At risk of drowning...
Or play it safe and remain on the secure and unchanging ground?
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Failed getaway.
My escape to Vietnam didn't quite distract me enough.
During the morning, afternoon and night i went out, drank, clubbed...
But by bed time my problems just return.
Sighing myself to sleep,
I try to bat away all my regrets and worries.
No matter how much i try to shut off my mind,
The thoughts wrap around me like a blanket of hate.
Its a new year,
But old habits and problems follow me into 2010.
I want to start over...
But where do i start?
I don't have much to say anymore these days.
Perhaps my blogging days are coming to an end...
During the morning, afternoon and night i went out, drank, clubbed...
But by bed time my problems just return.
Sighing myself to sleep,
I try to bat away all my regrets and worries.
No matter how much i try to shut off my mind,
The thoughts wrap around me like a blanket of hate.
Its a new year,
But old habits and problems follow me into 2010.
I want to start over...
But where do i start?
I don't have much to say anymore these days.
Perhaps my blogging days are coming to an end...
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Year. New Start.
A year has passed. Happy new year everyone.
365 days has gone by so suddenly.
Time sure flies, doesn't it?
Before i knew it, 2010 has already kicked in...
It's hard to accept that a whole year has flown by.
During this year, i don't think i really accomplished anything.
Well, i guess that's a lie.
I've learnt a lot about myself and about others.
However, i haven't really seen through my resolutions til the end.
Everything i've done in this pathetic year has been halfhearted.
I suppose that explains why i never succeeded.
A year ago i was a person who was broken down til the end of her limit.
Now, i suppose i'm still the same,
But of course some wounds have healed and i've grown to become stronger and more independent.
Even with such improvements,
I think i wasted a whole year of my life.
Whether it be not focusing on my studies and goals,
Or waiting around for that certain someone.
Either way it all ended in failure.
There is so much which i regret in this one year,
But it's too late for that.
I will not regret the regrettable.
This year came to a stop too abruptly,
It's a bit overwhelming.
But there is no time to be shocked now.
All there is to it,
Is to work towards a better year,
A better future.
Sometimes i come off rather conceited,
My selfishness really is an obstacle.
But one i will overcome.
After all this time i've lost so many loved ones,
But have also gained new friends.
I've forgotten so many memories,
But have created new treasured moments.
I've shed so many tears,
But smiled through all the happiness.
I've broken down,
But have been built up.
I've been heartbroken,
But have been in love.
During this year i've had so many experiences,
Ones which broke me,
And others which made me.
Either way, this year has changed me so many wonderful and horrible ways.
I'm rather afraid of what this new year brings,
But i'm ready for whatever comes at me.
I want to be a better person.
I want to be able to smile without regret.
I want to be able to bring happiness to those around me.
I want to be able to survive year 11.
I want to achieve this with all of my heart...
Goodbye 2009,
Along with all the pain and sadness,
The failures and disappointments,
The drama and mishaps...
And Goodbye,
To you...
2010,
I welcome you with open arms,
And an open heart...
365 days has gone by so suddenly.
Time sure flies, doesn't it?
Before i knew it, 2010 has already kicked in...
It's hard to accept that a whole year has flown by.
During this year, i don't think i really accomplished anything.
Well, i guess that's a lie.
I've learnt a lot about myself and about others.
However, i haven't really seen through my resolutions til the end.
Everything i've done in this pathetic year has been halfhearted.
I suppose that explains why i never succeeded.
A year ago i was a person who was broken down til the end of her limit.
Now, i suppose i'm still the same,
But of course some wounds have healed and i've grown to become stronger and more independent.
Even with such improvements,
I think i wasted a whole year of my life.
Whether it be not focusing on my studies and goals,
Or waiting around for that certain someone.
Either way it all ended in failure.
There is so much which i regret in this one year,
But it's too late for that.
I will not regret the regrettable.
This year came to a stop too abruptly,
It's a bit overwhelming.
But there is no time to be shocked now.
All there is to it,
Is to work towards a better year,
A better future.
Sometimes i come off rather conceited,
My selfishness really is an obstacle.
But one i will overcome.
After all this time i've lost so many loved ones,
But have also gained new friends.
I've forgotten so many memories,
But have created new treasured moments.
I've shed so many tears,
But smiled through all the happiness.
I've broken down,
But have been built up.
I've been heartbroken,
But have been in love.
During this year i've had so many experiences,
Ones which broke me,
And others which made me.
Either way, this year has changed me so many wonderful and horrible ways.
I'm rather afraid of what this new year brings,
But i'm ready for whatever comes at me.
I want to be a better person.
I want to be able to smile without regret.
I want to be able to bring happiness to those around me.
I want to be able to survive year 11.
I want to achieve this with all of my heart...
Goodbye 2009,
Along with all the pain and sadness,
The failures and disappointments,
The drama and mishaps...
And Goodbye,
To you...
2010,
I welcome you with open arms,
And an open heart...
Sunday, December 20, 2009
The Princess: Her story. Ch. 3
After an eternity spent waiting locked up in a castle,
The Princess is finally able to see the sunlight and feel its warmth.
Though her Prince Charming never reached her,
She managed to swallow her disappointment and pain.
Day after day.
Week after week.
Month after month.
Year after year.
The Princess sat patiently through her tears and moments of vulnerability,
But now she is able to stand and fight for herself.
After all that time she has finally come to understand that he would never come to her rescue, and perhaps he wasn't who she thought he was.
She fell inlove with the Prince, but he has fallen under a spell that has made him into something that contradicts everything she's ever believed in.
Knowing this, the Princess managed to find the strength within to save herself.
Her obsessive dependence of him would be no more.
By herself she broke the chains that bounded her to her own helplessness.
She kicked down the doors that locked her away.
She tore down the walls which detained her.
By herself...
She was able to escape such a place of sadness and terror.
There was no typical happy ending for her,
But this story is yet to be finished...
The Princess is finally able to see the sunlight and feel its warmth.
Though her Prince Charming never reached her,
She managed to swallow her disappointment and pain.
Day after day.
Week after week.
Month after month.
Year after year.
The Princess sat patiently through her tears and moments of vulnerability,
But now she is able to stand and fight for herself.
After all that time she has finally come to understand that he would never come to her rescue, and perhaps he wasn't who she thought he was.
She fell inlove with the Prince, but he has fallen under a spell that has made him into something that contradicts everything she's ever believed in.
Knowing this, the Princess managed to find the strength within to save herself.
Her obsessive dependence of him would be no more.
By herself she broke the chains that bounded her to her own helplessness.
She kicked down the doors that locked her away.
She tore down the walls which detained her.
By herself...
She was able to escape such a place of sadness and terror.
There was no typical happy ending for her,
But this story is yet to be finished...
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